is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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