Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Ladies don't puke and tell
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
