Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
