I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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