good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
