I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
