i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
