Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
