You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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