i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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