I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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