Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
