If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
