You really coming over, don't trick.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
