Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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