Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
