He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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