don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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