Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
