Your mouth is God's brothel.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
