is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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