Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
