You work out of a Hotel?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
