Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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