Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
