I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
