Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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