Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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