i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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