just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
