Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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