That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
