the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
