Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
