something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
