Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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