i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
