I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
