I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
that's an acceptable place to lick
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
