just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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