i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
