There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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