Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Someone signed my nipple.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
