WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
