period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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