dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
