You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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