yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
