I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
