if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
