Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
