he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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